


Reflections

by cottonpadenthusiast



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Mirror of Erised, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 11:18:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottonpadenthusiast/pseuds/cottonpadenthusiast
Summary: Harry's late night wanderings lead him to the Mirror of Erised. What he sees changes everything.





	Reflections

Harry sat up in his bed, drenched in sweat and shaking, the panic and adrenaline still coursing through his body from another nightmare. He wiped his hand absentmindedly across his forehead and breathed in deeply, trying to calm his nerves. It had been about Sirius again. The flash of light, Sirius’ body flying back weightlessly, Harry’s screams, then nothing. Sirius was there, then gone. For good. Harry shook his head, pushing the image to the back of his mind, as another wave of grief hit him. He wouldn’t, couldn’t think about that. Not now anyway. Harry pushed back his heavy blankets and relished in the blast of cool air that hit him, before grabbing the Cloak from his trunk and silently leaving his dorm, leaving behind a snoring Ron.

This had become a routine for Harry; after every nightmare, he would wander the castle, trying to clear his mind and steady his nerves. He even had a specific route he would take. He would always turn right out of the 8th year dorms, always wander past the library, down to the dungeons and always pass the Hufflepuff common room, then finally make his way back up to his dorm, where exhaustion would finally take its toll and he would fall soundlessly asleep within a matter of seconds. Sometimes, if he had suffered a rough night, he would do these laps twice or more. Tonight was one of those nights.

 

While he passed the library for the third time, Harry’s mind wandered, not to the image of Sirius or even the Potions homework due tomorrow, which he was yet to complete, but to the one thing that had recently been taken up every part, every crevice of Harry’s mind, the thing that had taken home in his thoughts and seemed reluctant to leave. This thing, was in fact, Draco Malfoy.

After the war, Malfoy had come to Harry begging to be forgiven for everything he had done and Harry, of course, agreed, and he too asked for forgiveness for the incident in the boys' bathroom. Malfoy willingly did so, and they both put the past behind them. Since then, they had grown closer, both able to understand each other in ways no one else could, and Harry found that he could confide in Malfoy, and Malfoy confide in him, with matters which neither could even discuss with their closest friends. They were often found quietly talking to each other on the comfy sofa in the 8th year common room in the middle of the night, the embers of the fire illuminating their features, and the thought of sleep long forgotten. 

Harry was considering his newfound friendship with Malfoy, one which he had clung to like a life raft during these last few agonising months, when he stopped at the staircase down to the dungeons. The moonlight cast dark shadows across the stone steps, and Harry’s eyes flickered to the other staircase, leading up to 2nd-floor corridor. Harry stood there for a few moments, before moving swiftly up this staircase, deciding to change up his normal routine. Maybe this route would be quicker. As he reached the top step, Harry looked around the deserted corridor. He hadn’t been on this corridor in a while since he didn’t have any classes here, most of his lessons were on the other side of the castle. Harry took a step forward and slowly edged his way through the corridor until he saw a classroom door lying ajar. He peered in, but saw nothing, the room too dark. Curiosity got the better of him and he pushed open the door.

As the heavy wooden door creaked wide, Harry snatched off his Cloak. The room was enveloped in darkness, without even a window to provide a source of light. Harry cast a wordless Lumos. He glanced around, realising he wasn’t in a classroom, but was, in fact, standing in what seemed to be a huge storage cupboard. Surrounding him were piles of parchment, stacks and stacks of quills and endless desks. The stone walls loomed over Harry, and a slightly damp smell filled his nostrils. The room looked forgotten, with spiderwebs wrapped delicately around legs of some of the wooden desks and dust gathering in every corner. Harry started making his way through the maze of school items.

 

Harry was easing his way through two blackboards when something shiny caught his eye. He slowly wheeled around, readying his wand, instinct getting the better of him. Steeling himself for the worst, he turned to face the “creature”,  but instead of hexing it, Harry sighed in relief. Because before him stood no blood-curdling monster, but instead, his own reflection, holding a luminous wand. Harry caught his breath and flicked his eyes to the words carved into the stone framing the huge slab of glass. ”Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on whosi,” Harry whispered coarsely, recognising those words from first year, those words that had loomed over him those endless nights while staring into this mirror. Harry gasped back in shock, but not in surprise that he was standing in front of the Mirror of Erised or that Dumbledore had thought the storage cupboard a “safe” place to put the object, but what had surprised Harry the most was the face staring back at him. The pale, pointy face, surrounded by blonde, almost white hair on top of a long, fit body. The face Harry had come to know so well in the last year. The face of Draco Malfoy.

Harry took a step back and blinked, his face contorted in confusion. This couldn’t be right. He was meant to see his parents, meant to want a family most in the world. Harry turned his back to the Mirror, counted to ten, and twisted back, hoping that the Mirror had got it wrong, that it was all in Harry’s head, but when he faced his reflection again he was still met with Draco’s face, a little smile toying on those rosy lips. Harry swallowed, trying to push down the way his heart fluttered at that smile. How could he want Malfoy? They were hardly even friends. But even as Harry thought this, he knew he was wrong, because deep down, Harry knew that he wanted Draco, had wanted him for a long time. For months he had tried to push down all those feelings, the way his heart gave a little leap of joy every time he saw Draco, or the pang of jealousy when he saw Draco flirting shamelessly with the barman at the Three Broomsticks, but now it was all too much. Harry couldn’t compress his feelings any longer, no matter how hard he tried. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest when Reflection Draco grabbed Harry’s free hand and rested his head on Harry’s wide shoulder. Harry could almost feel the way the blonde’s hair tickled his cheek, the way the cold, delicate fingers fitted perfectly against Harry’s rough own. Harry choked on a sob. It was all too much. He had never loved anyone this fiercely before, never felt he could drown in his love. Sure, he loved the Weasleys, Ron and Hermione, but that was a different kind of love, a more subdued, constant love. The way he felt for Draco was all-consuming, desperate and hopeless all at once. Harry wasn’t sure how he hadn’t realised it for so long. 

 

Harry stayed there for a little while longer, letting himself bask in this different type of heaven, before reality brought him plummeting back to the cold ground. Harry knew Draco didn’t feel the same way, but he let himself wonder “what if?” What if Draco was as deeply in love with Harry as Harry was with him? What if he saw Harry in the Mirror of Erised? But just before he slipped into a dangerous kind of hope, Harry pulled himself back to reality. Draco was not in love with Harry Potter. How could he be when Harry nearly killed him in the boys' bathrooms? How could Draco hide his love, when Harry felt like the whole castle would know Harry’s feelings as soon as he left this room?

Eventually, Harry picked himself up off the ground, where Reflection Draco had just had his head rested on Harry’s lap, and left. He was older now, more mature. He was not going to lose himself completely in that bloody Mirror again.

 

Harry slipped soundlessly out of the room, but before he could even put on the Cloak, he had crashed into a solid form.

“Shit bloody fuck,” Harry muttered under his breath, rubbing his forehead where it had collided with a bony shoulder.

“Always so eloquent, Potter,” a sarcastic voice, grumbled above.

_ Shit bloody fuck, _ Harry thought again. Because that voice belonged to the person he least wanted to see right now. 

“Are you planning on staying on the floor?” Draco Malfoy said, offering his hand to Harry. Harry lifted himself up, refusing the hand. He could not take Malfoy’s hand when just two minutes ago, those fingers were combing through Harry’s dark curls. Well, Reflection Draco’s fingers. 

“Are you alright, Harry?” Draco asked, concerned. Harry swallowed, shivers running down his spine. How the hell was he meant to survive the rest of the year when he couldn’t even hear Draco say his name without almost losing control? 

“Yup, 'm fine. Sorry about banging into you,” Harry mumbled in response, finally meeting Draco’s eyes. They were only a few inches apart. Too close. Harry stepped back. Draco was wearing navy silk pyjamas that clung too tightly to his chest for Harry’s liking, the posh arse. His face was illuminated by the light of his wand, casting shadows under his cheekbones and making his blonde hair shine like a halo around his face. His grey eyes pierced Harry’s, even in the darkness of the corridor.

Draco rolled his eyes. “I’m used to your clumsiness at this stage, Potter. However, I’m more concerned about your head. You banged it quite hard. Is it sore?” Elegant fingers reached out and placed themselves on Harry’s forehead. Harry froze. He couldn’t breathe. Draco’s hands were even softer in real life. He needed to get them off his face. Now.  _ Say something,  _ Harry begged his brain.

“Your hair is the same colour as the moon.” He blurted out. 

Draco stared at him, eyes wide.  _ Oh, Merlin. _

“Thanks?” Draco replied, his voice laced with confusion.  _ That will really get him to like you.  _ Harry thought.  _ Good job. _

“I mean, my head is fine.” Harry shook Draco’s hand off. Draco now looked even more concerned. He probably thought Harry had a concussion or had gone insane. Or both. Draco was about to ask if Harry was feeling well, when the grey eyes glanced to the side and locked on something. Harry turned to see what the blonde was looking at. The door to the storage cupboard. Harry glanced suspiciously at Draco. His features no longer displayed concern, but complete panic. Did he know what was behind the door? Had he seen The Mirror? Draco must have felt Harry’s gaze burning into him, as he faced Harry again, smoothing out his features. The terror was wiped from his face. But Harry could still see the worry in the grey eyes. 

“What is it?” Harry asked.

“Nothing,” Draco replied immediately. He paused. “Were you in there?” Draco’s quivered only slightly. 

Harry didn’t know how to reply. If he said yes, Draco would probably ask him what he saw in the Mirror. But if said no, Draco would know he was lying.

Draco took Harry’s silence as affirming his suspicions. The already pale face turned ghostly white.

“Fuck, Harry. I’m  _ so _ sorry. I didn’t want you to find out in this way. Well, I didn’t want you to find out at all. Merlin, I’m so, so, so sorry. Please don’t hate me,” Draco’s voice was filled with sorrow and his eyes glazed. He looked… heartbroken. 

“Draco, DRACO, I have absolutely no idea what you are on about. What do you mean “find out”? You already told me you were gay and I’m fine with it.” Harry was baffled. Was there something else in that room that he didn’t see? Merlin knows what Dumbledore kept hidden in there.

Draco’s eyes borrowed in confusion, causing a single tear to slide down his pale cheeks. “Wait, what? You don’t know what I’m talking about? You were obviously in there. Did you not see the Mirror thing?”

Draco’s eyes searched Harry’s face for an answer.

“Yeah, I was in there. I saw the Mirror of Erised.”

“The Mirror of what? Harry, if you saw the Mirror, don’t pretend you don’t know I’m talking about. This is not some sort of joke.”

“Draco, it’s the Mirror of Erised. The Mirror of Desire. It shows you what you want most. Any person who looks in sees their deepest desire.”

“Does that mean I saw what I most want and… you saw what you most want?” Harry nodded in response.

Draco’s puzzled expression soon gave away to understanding and immense relief. “Thank Merlin,” the blonde muttered. Harry was still as clueless as ever. What had Draco been so worried about Harry finding out? Unless…

“Wait, did you think I saw  _ your _ deepest desire? Did you think I looked into the mirror and saw what you most wanted?” Harry’s stomach dropped, while a small spark of hope lit in his heart. He tried to suppress it. “You were so scared of me finding out. You were apologising and crying. You thought I would be angry. But why would…?”  All the pieces whirling around Harry’s head suddenly slotted together. Draco had seen… Harry. Draco wanted Harry. Joy, in a way Harry had never felt before, took over his heart. He almost stumbled with the force of it. Draco was in love Harry and Harry was deeply, irrevocably in love with Draco. 

 

While Harry was having these revelations, Draco knew Harry had realised his love for him. Draco decided it would be best just to run. No point waiting for Harry to start getting angry or pity him. Draco didn’t know which reaction would be worse. Before Draco had even taken his first step, Harry had grabbed his wrist.

“You love me,” Harry said softly, urging Draco to meet his gaze. Draco closed his eyes and sighed hopelessly. All resistance had left him after Harry uttered those words. It was as if the world had taken everything from Draco Malfoy and left him with nothing.

“Yes… I’m in love with you, Harry. I have been since I was fifteen, actually,” he chuckled sadly. “I suppose I should have known you would find out eventually. You don’t have to say anything. I know you don’t feel the same. I’m sorry I did this to our friendship. I’m sorry I did this to you. If you want to ignore me, you can. If you never want to speak to me again, I completely understand. I just want you to be happy, Harry.”

Heavy grey eyes gradually met green ones.

“How long have you been coming to the Mirror?” Harry asked.

Draco did not reply for a while.

“For about six weeks.” He whispered so quietly, Harry had to strain his ears to hear. “Merlin, I sound like a lovesick teenager. I suppose you saw your parents in the Mirror. Or Weaslette.” Draco said this last word with such venom and jealousy, Harry almost laughed. 

“No actually. I used to see mum and dad but now I don’t.” Draco’s head snapped up from where he had been studying the floor. His eyes narrowed. Harry continued.

“I suppose I have found family in the Weasleys. And Ginny and I ended things ages ago. She’s just a good friend.” Draco was silent, his eyes almost boring holes into Harry’s head. Harry dropped Draco’s wrist and stepped forward. “What I saw was a boy.” He took another step. 

“With blonde hair and grey eyes that I could get lost in.” Another step. 

“A boy who is sarcastic and hilarious and intelligent and protective and brave and so _ so  _ kind.” Harry was just beneath Draco’s nose now. The blond was completely still. 

“A boy called Draco Malfoy,” Harry whispered breathlessly. His lips were so close to Draco’s that he could feel his breathe fan over his face. Draco swallowed.

“I hate you, you bloody twat.” Draco mumbled, before capturing Harry’s lips in his own.

 

The kiss was slow and tentative. Harry smirked through the kiss from Draco’s words, knowing they were far from the truth. He wrapped his arms around Draco, pulling him as close as possible. Draco tasted of tea and lavender and Harry was sure Draco could feel his heart beating erratically underneath his pyjamas. Draco lifted his hands to Harry’s hair, combing his hands through the dark curls. Harry moaned lowly, which allowed Draco to deepen the kiss. Harry knew this was the reason he decided to live that day in the Forbidden Forest. He just hadn’t realised it at the time. He wouldn’t have been able to watch Hermione and Ron’s relationship develop, wouldn’t have been able to watch his godson grow up, wouldn’t have been able to fix things with Ginny. He wouldn’t have been able to fall so deeply in love with Draco Malfoy. Harry had lost many people in his life; his parents, Sirius, Remus, Fred, but just because they were gone, didn’t mean he had to lose everyone else too.  _ I chose life, Draco,  _ Harry thought.  _ I chose life for you.  _

 

They both pulled away, panting. Harry rested his head against Draco’s, gazing into his eyes. Draco grinned and they both started to giggle.

“We are both oblivious idiots, aren’t we?” Harry spoke through fits of laughter. 

“Speak for yourself,” Draco replied, but he was still smiling. He pressed his lips to Harry’s nose and began trailing kisses across his face. He was particularly gentle when he pressed his lips on Harry’s scar. Harry pulled back.

“I love you,” he whispered. A shy smile toyed at Draco’s lips.

“I love you too,” he replied.

 

They shared these secret whispers in the 2nd floor corridor for the rest of the night. They kissed and talked and laughed and kissed some more. When Harry finally returned to his bed as the sun was rising, all memories of the nightmare long gone and the taste of Draco still on his lips, he fell asleep more content than he had been in a very, very long time. They were still two broken boys, grief and trauma haunting their lives, but with each other’s love, maybe the light would outshine the darkness after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading xxxx My Tumblr is cottonpadenthusiast (same as here) if anyone wants it


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